A year ago I was in love. I was 2,400 miles from the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I was in California for a year of training. Everyone who talked to me knew I was pre-engagement. The only time people saw me was at school, or maybe if they came to the house. There was barely anything outside of my life aside from him and school. I was surrounded by 1,200 others going through the same training, I had a group of 65 who were supposed to be there to support me, there was a small group of 5 which were meant to be my close friends, I had 4 roommates who barely knew anything about me… The first few months of my time in Cali, I wasn’t living my life.
Removed from that place and the relationship I now am seeing how many opportunities I gave up. How little I did outside of my relationship. I didn’t want to have a life in Cali, because it was a life without him. I didn’t want to connect with people, because I knew I was leaving in the Spring and never going back. I didn’t want to talk about anything outside of my relationship or him, people had to know that I was taken and things were wonderful – even if just from the outside. As far as I was concerned, my life was complete.
Why did I do this?
Because it was an unhealthy relationship based off of a mess of situations and therefore the actions surrounding the relationship were unhealthy and obsessive. I thought I had found love. True love. I was told I had found the type of love which only comes along once in a life. I believed all the things he told me about myself. He was my own personal “Mr. Know It All“. I was living a life which was so absorbed in another I had lost myself. I lost what it was I wanted to accomplish while in Cali. I lost what I wanted. I lost who I wanted to be… Thankfully things shifted sometime after the New Year.
Dang it’s amazing how when you look back you see what you missed out on… But at the same time, there was so much which happened and pushed me to grow.
I did step into the type of woman I wanted to. I did create friendships and bonds which will last. I did learn a lot about my future. I did study and walk away with more knowledge of God and His works.
All in all, the things I missed are made up for in the things I found.