How To: Become Engaged Without Dating

Here is the simple formula to follow if you wish to become engaged without ever once being on a date.

Invite the person of interest to an all-day-into-night movie marathon and cuddle.
Spend a month following movie marathon in separate countries messaging non-stop.
Learn he considers himself a student and barely has enough money to scrape by on his own and say “no problem”.
Once united allow yourself to believe you are a couple.
Hang out at either your house, or his place of living – never go anywhere.
Do most of the driving because he doesn’t have money for gas.
Meet up with friends and chill at different houses.
Take time to learn one another’s quirks and discuss the future within a month of getting together. (all done whilst ‘hanging out’ at someone’s home)
When he asks you to marry him with no ring and no possibility of getting one after a month of hanging out – say yes.
At the point which he tells you he has no secrets and will never lie to you – write it down in your journal and squeal every time you realize you didn’t ask him to say that.
Visit his family and spend a whole week with them – get them to love you just by being you and reciprocate the feeling.
After 5 weeks when he tells you who you are and goes on for 15 minutes – break down, cry and respond by telling him no one has ever understood you before.
If presented with the challenge of living on different coasts, make sure he knows how serious you are about staying together.
Ignore the fact you live somewhere you’ve always wanted and spend most of our time inside Skyping with him.
Don’t question him too much when he isn’t around or doesn’t call when he says he will.
Let him tell you everything he thinks you want to hear and act like that’s all you need.
When you fly halfway around the world make sure you get a long layover near him so you can see each other. Both ways.
Don’t tell your friends when he puts you down or makes you believe things you shouldn’t.
Plan out your two weeks back in town around his schedule and how much time he wants to spend with his family – because it’s ‘easier’ to be the couple you are with them than with your own family.
When you even think of questioning him or standing up to him, mentally slap yourself.
After you’ve told him multiple times about how you do not want to be proposed to on a cliché holiday such as; Christmas eve, Christmas, New Years eve, New Years, your birthday or Valentines day – respond on December 23 with, “it’s not that important, you can propose whenever you like.”
Allow him to think that it’s fine if he doesn’t ask your fathers’ permission to marry you and it’s not that big of a deal.
When you look at him and wonder “is this really it?!” push yourself to believe of don’t deserve any better.
And lastly, even though you’ve had your dream ring picked out since you were 14 and he is well aware of the fact, make an exception and accept the ring he “bought” off of his brother from a previous failed engagement because he doesn’t have any money.
Never say a word because you are in a relationship with a 28 year-old full-time student who will stay up all night playing a new expansion to a video game but won’t do the same to talk to you, who hasn’t held a steady full-time job in years, who won’t have a Christmas gift for you until his parents give him money, who has the ability to make you think whatever he wants, who has no issue with putting expenses on your credit card relying on the fact you will get a job to pay it off in due time, who is okay with you giving up your dreams just so he can chase his, who has self-worth issues and looks for confirmation in any women around him, who only pushes his spiritual relationship deeper because you push him to, who says he will do anything for you but rarely does a single thing aside from what you set up, who will continue to make you feel used even after you have a break down explaining it to him, who when opportunity presents itself will allow another girl to kiss him while the two of you are engaged, who will disagree with thoughts and beliefs which are strong in your life and will turn arguments around so it always ends with an issue in your life, who doesn’t like your family and refuses to spend any extended period of time with them because he believes they don’t like him, and most — who was entirely correct when he said you were too good for him.

Hospitals, cars and weddings

Sitting here in the hospital, I look back at this past week and realize how each day was more intense than the previous.
It all began with my car not working on Monday morning… Then spilling things on Tuesday… Overall stress on Wednesday… Thanksgiving had more work than relaxation. Then on Friday things really got out of control.
I hopped in my (surprisingly) working car, drove 2 hours and then headed to the NE Philly area for a wedding. 15 minutes away from the church my car stopped working and died on the side of the road. Thankfully one of our team members was near and was able to pick myself, our other coworker and all of our equipment in order to make it to the rehearsal. My car was then towed back up to my parents house. The rehearsal dinner went well minus our microphone not working. Saturday was the normal wedding crazy, from covering the prep to ceremony to reception there were few hiccups but overall I think we pulled off a decent production.
However Saturday in the morning I received a text from my mom letting me know that my dad who had been feeling bad all week was being admitted to the hospital. He was unable to move his head all week and then had a bunch of other symptoms.
Saturday after the wedding my cousin was kind enough to drive me and my coworker back to central pa but that put me an hour away from my parents, and an hour and a half away from my dad in the hospital.

At this point… I’m borrowing a friend’s car until tomorrow. My car is still dead and I have to figure out how to get it fixed. My dad is in the hospital and they really aren’t sure what’s wrong with him. And overall, I’m ready for a vacation. A beach, drink in hand, floppy hat and a good book. This stress level of mine needs to drop.

Someone Like You

The best songs come from personal experiences. Adele has been through her fair share of things and has been thrown into the limelight because of her unique sound, songs and overall emotional connection.  On her latest album (21) she has a song titled “Someone Like You” (link to her in-home performance of it) which encompasses her past relationship.
While I absolutely love and adore Adele as well as this song, I have an issue with it for my own personal life. I don’t want someone who is the same. I don’t want to go through everything again. I don’t want him. So when I sing that line of the song I change it. There is no “someone like you” rather it is “someone better than you”. Also, that relationship is over for me. It doesn’t continue in my mind, heart or soul.

There was a day not too long ago which was filled with my version of this song. I had been informed that he had moved on and was in a new relationship with a girl even younger than I. Ironically this relationship became public knowledge the same day as my “Break Up Competition” post (not when I heard about it though). How did I handle learning about the relationship? It took me a bit, but I got to the point where I truly meant it when I sang along with Adele on lines such as “I wish nothing but the best for you”.

No matter how much he hurt, used or played with me and my heart…

The Date

They meet.
They talk.
They exchange numbers.
He calls her.
They talk for a while.
He finally asks her out.
She agrees, unsure of how it will go but excited.
He arrives at her place 4 minutes early anxiously waiting for the next 6 minutes to pass.
She runs around preparing, fearful of not being ready.
He rings the doorbell 2 minutes late.
She is waiting, checking the mirror every 3 seconds to make sure her hair still looks okay and her make-up hasn’t smudged.
They greet one another, and she locks her door while noticing he is tall enough to wear heels around.
He opens the car door for her.
She wonders “Will he still be a gentleman after 5 dates?”
His opening line in the car is so smooth it shows how much he rehearsed – especially in those 6 minutes.
She smiles to herself and accepts he is nervous as well, but won’t make a comment to him about it.
When they arrive at the restaurant he jumps out so quickly she worries she’s too slow – but her fears are released when he’s opening the door and offering his hand.
He is trying to be as kind as he can be, but he isn’t sure she likes him because of how quiet she’s being.
He enters the restaurant and gives his name, hoping she’ll hear and realize that he had made reservations – he thinks ahead.
She hears the hostess thank him by name and wonders if he is a regular, and if so how many other girls has he brought to this restaurant.
He makes sure to grab the chair for her.
She thanks him and takes her seat.
He wishes to impress, so as soon as the waiter comes he orders a bottle of Pinot Noir.
She stops and immediately thinks of meals which will pair well with Pinot Noir, and realizes she would prefer a Cabernet Sauvignon.
He asks her a question about herself.
She answers, but is so crafty she gets him to talk about himself while only half-listening because she’s looking over the menu and is terrible at making decisions.
He realizes when the waiter returns to take their order she hasn’t said a word, and worries he’s begun to bore her.
She gives her order only after he gives his, just to be sure she doesn’t go out of the correct price range.
He once again tries to pull her into conversation.
She has no trouble talking about herself, but tries to keep it even.
The conversation flows until the food is finished.
He doesn’t want the time with her to end.
She wants to stay, but realizes it’s getting late.
Being the gentleman he is, he makes sure she doesn’t feel any pressure to pay.
She feels a little odd not paying for anything, but reminds herself that it’s okay.
He opens the door for her as they approach the car.
She sits in his car, amazed at the way he’s been acting all night – thrilled he didn’t even once bring up some unhealthy topic.
They arrive back at her place.
He suggests they take a walk around the block, he can’t help but wish the night won’t end.
She debates the time until finally giving in and joining him.
They walk losing all track of time too busy discovering each others’ quirks.
Arriving back to her door he reluctantly wishes her a good night, and promises to call her soon.
She steps in and gives him a hug, as she will not be satisfied unless.
They separate and recount the night in their minds in their own way…

It’s just a date.
Something I have never experienced, but this is what I imagine it would be like.

Open Apology

It has recently come to my attention that almost two years ago my attitude went through a drastic change. While at the time I saw myself as just “expressing my opinions” and “making sure others understood me” I now realize that it was construed quite differently by those around me. I went from just going along with others said to standing up and making my point. It came across as though I didn’t care what your thoughts were, all I wanted was for you to understand me and I’d repeat myself as much as necessary.
This shift occurred in March of 2010 when I learned I would be moving to Cali come fall. I suppose one could say that I was attempting to cut all ties with PA so I wouldn’t have a desire to return (major fail: see all posts re: ex-fiance) or that I was pushing myself to become more sure in my thoughts and opinions – either way, it doesn’t matter. The things I put those who I considered friends through wasn’t fair.
To all of you who were affected by the words I said, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be a b*. I didn’t mean to push you away. I didn’t mean to make it difficult to be around me. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t mean to put you through all of that.
I can only hope that all of you out there can forgive me, and accept me for who I am today.

Friends are important because you can go through difficult times and they will support you. Don’t make your friends your enemies though.

Price of Affection

Think about the times you allowed yourself to become involved with someone – even if just for a night. What were the things you gave up, the standards you let slide, the excuses you gave yourself to make everything okay?
We all have a heart – some of us are more aware of it than others, but all in all it’s there.
The things which attach themselves to your being – are they worth it?
The memories which you would like to fade – do they ever fade completely?
The disgust you feel when you think about yourself – do you ever let it go?
These are the things we deal with just for a bit of affection. No, I’m not talking about attention, I mean it when I say affection. We all want to feel needed by someone else. We all have that desire to be someone’s “other”. Our hearts weren’t made to walk through this life alone, so what do we do? We try to fulfill the void in any way possible. We give away valuable pieces of ourselves in attempt to receive any sort of affection. We push ourselves to accept less in order to mean something.
What have we done?

The Most Precious Gift

My love for children is more than I can comprehend at times. Those who have been a part of my life and I consider friends are near and dear to me. These two facts have made this a difficult morning.

A beautiful young woman I once had the pleasure of working with and her husband announced a couple of months ago they were pregnant with their first child. The excitement I felt for them was the same as when I heard my own brother and his wife were pregnant. New life is something to be celebrated. Even with them states away, Facebook and weekly updates helped all of those who cared feel a part of this treasured time.   The other day things weren’t as they should be and she was admitted to the hospital.   Many began praying and supporting this incredible woman and her baby boy.   This morning when I opened Facebook on my phone I saw her latest status which ran down the facts.  Their son was still-born at 26 weeks gestation.  She also posted a picture of her holding the little one.   My heart hurts for her and her husband. The things they’ve been through already and what they’re still to face in this situation are more than I can bear to think about.

The only thing which keeps me from breaking down is knowing that God is there with her, He was with the baby and He always has a plan. The things which this couple never experienced with this child, they will experience with others.
We all have our own stories of our lives… Every one of us goes through our own tough times… But those trials and tribulations are used later in life for good.

Those of you out there with children, never forget how precious of a gift you’ve been given.