How To: Become Engaged Without Dating

Here is the simple formula to follow if you wish to become engaged without ever once being on a date.

Invite the person of interest to an all-day-into-night movie marathon and cuddle.
Spend a month following movie marathon in separate countries messaging non-stop.
Learn he considers himself a student and barely has enough money to scrape by on his own and say “no problem”.
Once united allow yourself to believe you are a couple.
Hang out at either your house, or his place of living – never go anywhere.
Do most of the driving because he doesn’t have money for gas.
Meet up with friends and chill at different houses.
Take time to learn one another’s quirks and discuss the future within a month of getting together. (all done whilst ‘hanging out’ at someone’s home)
When he asks you to marry him with no ring and no possibility of getting one after a month of hanging out – say yes.
At the point which he tells you he has no secrets and will never lie to you – write it down in your journal and squeal every time you realize you didn’t ask him to say that.
Visit his family and spend a whole week with them – get them to love you just by being you and reciprocate the feeling.
After 5 weeks when he tells you who you are and goes on for 15 minutes – break down, cry and respond by telling him no one has ever understood you before.
If presented with the challenge of living on different coasts, make sure he knows how serious you are about staying together.
Ignore the fact you live somewhere you’ve always wanted and spend most of our time inside Skyping with him.
Don’t question him too much when he isn’t around or doesn’t call when he says he will.
Let him tell you everything he thinks you want to hear and act like that’s all you need.
When you fly halfway around the world make sure you get a long layover near him so you can see each other. Both ways.
Don’t tell your friends when he puts you down or makes you believe things you shouldn’t.
Plan out your two weeks back in town around his schedule and how much time he wants to spend with his family – because it’s ‘easier’ to be the couple you are with them than with your own family.
When you even think of questioning him or standing up to him, mentally slap yourself.
After you’ve told him multiple times about how you do not want to be proposed to on a cliché holiday such as; Christmas eve, Christmas, New Years eve, New Years, your birthday or Valentines day – respond on December 23 with, “it’s not that important, you can propose whenever you like.”
Allow him to think that it’s fine if he doesn’t ask your fathers’ permission to marry you and it’s not that big of a deal.
When you look at him and wonder “is this really it?!” push yourself to believe of don’t deserve any better.
And lastly, even though you’ve had your dream ring picked out since you were 14 and he is well aware of the fact, make an exception and accept the ring he “bought” off of his brother from a previous failed engagement because he doesn’t have any money.
Never say a word because you are in a relationship with a 28 year-old full-time student who will stay up all night playing a new expansion to a video game but won’t do the same to talk to you, who hasn’t held a steady full-time job in years, who won’t have a Christmas gift for you until his parents give him money, who has the ability to make you think whatever he wants, who has no issue with putting expenses on your credit card relying on the fact you will get a job to pay it off in due time, who is okay with you giving up your dreams just so he can chase his, who has self-worth issues and looks for confirmation in any women around him, who only pushes his spiritual relationship deeper because you push him to, who says he will do anything for you but rarely does a single thing aside from what you set up, who will continue to make you feel used even after you have a break down explaining it to him, who when opportunity presents itself will allow another girl to kiss him while the two of you are engaged, who will disagree with thoughts and beliefs which are strong in your life and will turn arguments around so it always ends with an issue in your life, who doesn’t like your family and refuses to spend any extended period of time with them because he believes they don’t like him, and most — who was entirely correct when he said you were too good for him.


3 thoughts on “How To: Become Engaged Without Dating

  1. strong piece with obvious hints of hate and a subtle touch of personal history playing into it…I guess… but in it’s appealing in its own sarcastic manner poking at both the man and woman and their own well-known follies…

    • Thanks for the comment and reading – this entry is one which I’ve been thinking about for awhile. The other day when I posted “The Date” I felt the need to expound a bit more on how/why I’ve never been on a date but yet had been engaged. We allow ourselves to go through situations rarely thinking about the consequences on our lives, hearts or emotions. Something I’m attempting to change in my own life!

    • I don’t intend to deny what you said… but if we were to “think” of the consequences of the choices we make by solely analyzing it with our past experiences and resultant preconceptions, then we would never end up making a choice. Even if we do, it would be nothing more than a calculated assumption from a series of self-generated algorithms which we think would define everyone we meet. There in lies the problem that…in the case of a thinking humanity… such an assumption would be… inconsistent…don’t you think? What of going where the wind blows? What of the element of surprise… and the feeling of being bowled over? Be it Man or Woman.

      I get the feeling of regret, we all feel it… yet when we do think about our “wrong/whimsical choices”, we do realize that there was something right and good about it. Maybe it was our view or perspective that changed. Maybe it was the world around that changed and it was only we who felt it. The list of contrasts would be plenty in our changing lives. It’s our basic desire for constancy that I feel is the root to any discontentment because in effect… at the very heart of our selves, we desire change. Always.


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