Power

The other week something happened and through this instance I realized that sometimes ignoring things gives them more power. So, here I am acknowledging the instance and not hiding anything.

I had decided months ago that I would remove the remaining connections with my ex on Christmas Eve, exactly 365 days after the proposal. It was the completion of a time in my life – the release of one feeling and season and the step into another. Months ago I walked through removing spiritual ties (necessary for every broken relationship) but my life still felt icky – parts of his life still lingered in the house. So, I handled the removing of him as I felt I should. Afterward I felt so free – fresh – clean. Such a glorious feeling, one which I knew was exactly what I had been looking for. Just in time for Christmas too 🙂

In the middle of the night I woke up to my phone notifying me of an email – I sleep through those notifications all the time regularly. This wasn’t just any email though – it was one containing a new comment on one of my posts.

After months of silence, my ghost had decided my personal blog was in need of his voice. While you can go to the post and directly see his comment here, I’d just like to add a few words of my own.

This blog began as a way for me to express my feelings without being judged. This blog continued because I realized I needed an outlet. This blog has never once been purposefully used to attack anyone or anything. This blog contains my thoughts, feelings, emotions and opinions, which by the United States Constitution is covered under the first amendment as freedom of speech. I am extremely open with my life, but I also try to be very careful with the words I use, because words do have power.

While my personal growth is overwhelmingly obvious when reading through these posts, apparently some will never be able to accept or see that. I don’t control how those of you who read this take the things I say. I don’t control how you feel about the words I write. I know that the only thing I control is how I feel about myself. I refuse to become defensive about my life, thoughts or opinions. I will, however make statements and declarations…

I’m proud of how far I’ve come. I’m proud of how I’ve handled my life. I’m proud of what I have done and the things I have said. I’m proud of where my life is going. I’m proud of who I am and who I’ve become. I’m proud that I continue to stand strong and refuse to be shattered, shaken, or disgraced. I’m proud that no matter what anyone says I know I am a Princess and a daughter of THE Most-High King.

When it comes down to it – I’m proud of myself because I know I’m walking the path I should be and I’ve been correct in the decisions I’ve made.

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From The New Year

Exactly a year ago, I thought I knew what the year before me held.

This year, I have absolutely no idea what to expect. Makes me think that maybe it’s better to not know what will be occurring than to have plans. Because obviously our plans get foiled.

This year – I resolve to only make plans which I find in God. That way, I won’t have any disappointments or unfulfilled plans.

I walked into last year as a part of someone else. This year – I’m me. Just me. Single. Solo. Individual.
Who knew that a revelation could be so violent? When you have no light in your relationship – you’re lost/confused/without the ability to see. I stepped out of that in 2011 and stepped into a wiser, more knowledgeable, stronger woman who isn’t afraid to shed light on the areas in which she finds herself.

That single characteristic which I acquired will continue into the rest of my life. The person who pushed me to become that woman however, will not. My life is mine. To be lived and walked out in the ways I believe are what God has intended. I may stray, but the important thing is that I always return. I came back. I returned home. My journey continues from here.

I wrote the above early in the morning on the 1st.
Situations as they have presented themselves in the past couple of weeks led me to post this prior to posting any other thoughts I have had recently.
Many more thoughts, feelings, dreams and adventures to come!