The One About Friendships

One of the things I miss the most since moving back to PA is having my best friends right next to me. California spoiled me. I moved into a house with 4 strangers who eventually became really close friends, all in different ways.   Sure, I have a few friends here in PA, but for the most part they are all at different places in their lives than I am. That makes it difficult to really become close with any of them. My concern, especially, is that I am a bother or disrupt their lives. So I wind up remaining silent and not reaching out.  One of my closest friends pointed out to me the other night that real friends call in the middle of the night when they need someone to talk to, they text and make it known they aren’t doing well, they somehow or another reach out to those they consider friends whenever it’s necessary.
I always make it known that I’m available to my friends day or night, so why is it so impossible for me to expect and allow the same from those who care about me?
Another thing is letting go of those who don’t find me important. We all have a few of those in our life – the person who we are always interested in knowing how they are doing, staying connected with them – but it seems to be a one-way friendship. They never initiate a conversation, rarely response, aren’t interested in how your life is going, can’t find time for you, etc. That is the type of friend I’m not interested in anymore. If you can’t see the value of my friendship, then you don’t deserve it.

All of this leads me to wonder… What happened the last couple of years? Have I become the type of person that most people don’t wish to be friends with? Where did my friends go?

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