Life in pieces

If you know me in person you know that my life has been the messiest and craziest it’s ever been.

Every day has become a roller coaster of emotions due to divorce and custody proceedings, fears and attempting to calm a tumultuous sea.

My heart is so overwhelmed. My mind has had challenges or questions I hadn’t anticipated. My soul is hurt.

A high level of uncertainty is impacting every aspect of my life.

I don’t even know how often in a few months I will have my child in my custody. I finally have the baby boy I loved, cried for, and dreamed of for years and he might not be with me every day… it’s heartbreaking to think about.

The choices my (ex) husband made years ago broke my world to pieces a year and a half ago and have created aftershocks in my current life.

All I want is to be happy, safe, and have my happy little family with just some level of certainty.

Someday. Maybe someday.

Tigers and Doodles

Seasons come and go.  Literally and figuratively.  Things are always changing. Each day is different from every other. Even when it feels like you live the same life every damn day.

You are the only constant.

Every new thing that enters your life can easily be viewed as an uncertainty. How you relate to that uncertainty has a lot to do with personality type.

When faced with new situations, some will be entirely thrilled and they’ll thrive because it’s how they are hardwired. Others, will slink back into the shadows and wait until they know it is safe and what to expect.

There’s no right or wrong way to handle things. I’ve had that exemplified in my life to an extreme degree recently. The challenges I’m currently facing in my life are those that many others have had to walk through, but the way I handle myself as I navigate this world is completely the way I will choose to – not how anyone else has or will.

Gravity

It’s a tricky thing, falling.

The other day I was walking down a ramp and legitimately slid and gracefully fell. As a result, I have a scab on my foot. This wasn’t the first time this year I fell either. In March I fell hard directly on my knee and elbow. Definitely not nearly as graceful of a fall and much more impactful – I still have a scar.

Both falls left me with pain, challenges, and restrictions. I can’t have that in my life though. I need to be able to use every part of my body fully. I need to be a whole and healthy person who walks freely.

So what does one do?

You fight against it. You work through it. You do what you need to do to give yourself the best possible outcome you can. You push yourself farther than you’ve ever pushed before. You stand up and recognize what you need to do to get where you want to be, and you make a decision.