Life in pieces

If you know me in person you know that my life has been the messiest and craziest it’s ever been.

Every day has become a roller coaster of emotions due to divorce and custody proceedings, fears and attempting to calm a tumultuous sea.

My heart is so overwhelmed. My mind has had challenges or questions I hadn’t anticipated. My soul is hurt.

A high level of uncertainty is impacting every aspect of my life.

I don’t even know how often in a few months I will have my child in my custody. I finally have the baby boy I loved, cried for, and dreamed of for years and he might not be with me every day… it’s heartbreaking to think about.

The choices my (ex) husband made years ago broke my world to pieces a year and a half ago and have created aftershocks in my current life.

All I want is to be happy, safe, and have my happy little family with just some level of certainty.

Someday. Maybe someday.

So What

Life is a rollercoaster.
We all feel it. We all think it. We all say it. But that’s about as far as we let others into our lives sometimes. I’ve always prided myself on being open and honest about what I’m going through, but the last year has proven to be too challenging to open up with publicly.

In the last few months I have had some of the highest moments of my life so far, as well as some of the lowest. From seeing my child squeal with delight when I come into view to finding myself crying on the dashboard wondering what the hell happened.

Y’all. We never know what a day will hold until it’s done.

Yesterday’s affirmation was so appropriately timed I didn’t even know it until the day was over.
//My experiences make me stronger, wiser, and more prepared.//

They really do.
.
.
.
Especially when everything and nothing has changed.

The Most Precious Gift

My love for children is more than I can comprehend at times. Those who have been a part of my life and I consider friends are near and dear to me. These two facts have made this a difficult morning.

A beautiful young woman I once had the pleasure of working with and her husband announced a couple of months ago they were pregnant with their first child. The excitement I felt for them was the same as when I heard my own brother and his wife were pregnant. New life is something to be celebrated. Even with them states away, Facebook and weekly updates helped all of those who cared feel a part of this treasured time.   The other day things weren’t as they should be and she was admitted to the hospital.   Many began praying and supporting this incredible woman and her baby boy.   This morning when I opened Facebook on my phone I saw her latest status which ran down the facts.  Their son was still-born at 26 weeks gestation.  She also posted a picture of her holding the little one.   My heart hurts for her and her husband. The things they’ve been through already and what they’re still to face in this situation are more than I can bear to think about.

The only thing which keeps me from breaking down is knowing that God is there with her, He was with the baby and He always has a plan. The things which this couple never experienced with this child, they will experience with others.
We all have our own stories of our lives… Every one of us goes through our own tough times… But those trials and tribulations are used later in life for good.

Those of you out there with children, never forget how precious of a gift you’ve been given.