If you know me in person you know that my life has been the messiest and craziest it’s ever been.
Every day has become a roller coaster of emotions due to divorce and custody proceedings, fears and attempting to calm a tumultuous sea.
My heart is so overwhelmed. My mind has had challenges or questions I hadn’t anticipated. My soul is hurt.
A high level of uncertainty is impacting every aspect of my life.
I don’t even know how often in a few months I will have my child in my custody. I finally have the baby boy I loved, cried for, and dreamed of for years and he might not be with me every day… it’s heartbreaking to think about.
The choices my (ex) husband made years ago broke my world to pieces a year and a half ago and have created aftershocks in my current life.
All I want is to be happy, safe, and have my happy little family with just some level of certainty.
Children. They are precious, amazing, annoying, loud, sweet, loving, wild… They are characters for sure. Currently I’m watching my best friends’ kids so she and her new husband can have a night away after their wedding which took place earlier today. For me, this is wonderful. You see, I was around 12 when I first made my life plan –
Marry by the age of 21. Have my first child by 25. Have two/four children by 29/33.
When I neared the age of 22 without anyone serving as a potential spouse, I dipped into a bit of depression. Today seeing all of the kids at the wedding and now spending a (short, albeit) time serving as the caretaker of a few so near and dear to me is difficult, to say the least. (I turned 24 in January)
My life seems to be going along a different timeline than what I planned. Lesson learned: goals are great to have – just don’t put a strict limit on them as far as timing goes.