Someone Like You

The best songs come from personal experiences. Adele has been through her fair share of things and has been thrown into the limelight because of her unique sound, songs and overall emotional connection.  On her latest album (21) she has a song titled “Someone Like You” (link to her in-home performance of it) which encompasses her past relationship.
While I absolutely love and adore Adele as well as this song, I have an issue with it for my own personal life. I don’t want someone who is the same. I don’t want to go through everything again. I don’t want him. So when I sing that line of the song I change it. There is no “someone like you” rather it is “someone better than you”. Also, that relationship is over for me. It doesn’t continue in my mind, heart or soul.

There was a day not too long ago which was filled with my version of this song. I had been informed that he had moved on and was in a new relationship with a girl even younger than I. Ironically this relationship became public knowledge the same day as my “Break Up Competition” post (not when I heard about it though). How did I handle learning about the relationship? It took me a bit, but I got to the point where I truly meant it when I sang along with Adele on lines such as “I wish nothing but the best for you”.

No matter how much he hurt, used or played with me and my heart…

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Expression

It was March 31, 2011 the last time I had the opportunity to dance like no one was watching. Last night I took someone up on their offer and used an open studio to finally let free the things which have been building up inside of me for the past 7 months. All of the lies which had been told to me, the hurt, the pain, the remorse, the strength, the life, the hope, the journey, the love, the life, the true growth which I’ve gone through — finally were released.

I know it was March 31 because that was the day I learned something about my ex. That was also the night he lied straight to my face – and for the first time I knew without a doubt he was lying.

Ever since I was a child I didn’t think I could properly express my heart in any way – except dance. No one can control me. No one can tell me I did something incorrectly. No one can lie to me. No one can make me feel worthless. No one can change my mind. No one when I dance.

The songs I danced to were on shuffle from a favorites list… A few which stick out are Boyce Avenue’s “Broken Angel”, Avril Lavigne’s “Not Enough”, Kate Earl’s “Melody” and Priscilla Ahn’s “Dream”.

Some days life finally gives you a chance to express yourself the best way you know how. There are certain things we all do which we believe to be the best for our heart, mind, soul and body. Giving an opportunity up to move along in your life is something none should do.

Known Chords

A Minor… C… F Major 7th.

If you’re any sort of musician you more than likely understood that. If you’re me, you Googled it. In doing so, you’d find songs a million and realize those random letters, rankings and number are actually chords. Tonight I mean just one of those songs. No – it isn’t Coldplay, The Cranberries, Paul McCartney, Elton John or Led Zepplin. Rather it’s a Ray LaMontagne song. One which I heard not even 20 minutes ago on an old episode of House M.D. You see, I’m catching up on the seasons and am on season 5. I had forgotten how much I love the show – and the songs they play at the end, or near end, of an episode. Always so fitting, mostly unknown, and wonderfully timed. As soon as I heard the opening chords to the song tonight I immediately found myself time-traveling back to June 27. The night I drank way more than I should have, said things I shouldn’t have, and listened to “I Still Care About You” more than 20 times… Oh yes – the things we do when we’re hurting. Hearing this song made me feel the way I felt that night. Desperate, alone, wishing, hurt, fragile, desiring the toxicity to return. When the song ended and I found myself sitting alone on September 18, I had to knock myself around until I moved past those feelings from June and back in to the Danielle of September.
The Danielle who isn’t desperate, needy or alone. The Danielle who still tells the truth, because lying gets you absolutely nowhere. The Danielle who looks at her situation and wonders in amazement, not regret “What next?!” The Danielle who has no problem sitting on the floor of her childhood room, typing up her true thoughts, feelings and journey for complete strangers to join her through. The Danielle who looks back on her life over the past year and is in awe of all she accomplished and learned.

Isn’t that the point of life – to continually learn?

All Time Favorite Song

Have you ever really thought about what your favorite song of all time is? If so – have you thought about what it says about you? Is it dark and heavy – full of anger? Or is it light, fluffy, even possibly with the word “smile” in it? Or perhaps it’s all about love, whether lost, searching, or in…

For the past 7 years or so my favorite song has been “Here With Me” by Dido. Why? A mix of the harmony, lyrics, emotions, and overall smoothness. My heart is happy when I’m spending time with those I love and I wouldn’t want to lose the memories made with them, so I do whatever possible to keep them alive. That is, as long as the relationship is alive. If I were to pick a song to do a ‘final’ dance to, one which I could really interpret through my movements and have a sincere connection with, it’d be this song.

Today was the first day I could listen to “Here With Me” since June… My heart is healing. My mind is taking steps forward. My soul is coming into a place of peace.

Yes, I am still hurting and emotional, but there is growth occurring – wounds are healing – hope is developing.

Tonight’s Soundtrack

On the way home tonight I plugged my iPod in, selected my “Favorites” playlist (all songs with 4 or 5 stars, almost 1,000 songs) and hit shuffle. This isn’t the first time this has happened, but it is the first time I’m taking note. Every song that played seemed as though it was hand-selected for me tonight.

1) Pardon Me – Incubus
2) Come in Closer – Blue October
3) Infiltrate – Worth Dying For
4) Best Thing I Never Had – Beyonce
5) Lost+ – Coldplay (off of Prospekt’s March)
6) Thinking of You – Future of Forestry
7) (If You’re Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To – Weezer
8 ) What If – Coldplay
9) After Your Heart – Phil Wickham
10) Let Love In – The Goo Goo Dolls
11) Seasons of Love – Rent Original Broadway Cast
12) Tonight, Tonight – The Smashing Pumpkins
13) Pins and Needles – Billy Talent
14) Set Fire To The Rain – Adele

Now, you may wonder what the message was on some of these. I’ll attempt to give a short summary as I’m rather exhausted at this point.
1) The entire song is essentially where I’m at; 23, fed up with the world, overwhelmed by life.
2) Having the desire of someone there, but the batch of wedding roses have been thrown away.
3) I’m going through life, this is my place and I’ll stand firm for my life.
4) Heh… I saw things I didn’t like and so I cut them out. I thought I found ‘forever’ but then things happened and I’m better off without… *sigh*
5)  I may be in a really hard place – but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what’s happening or how to handle myself.
6)  Don’t be afraid to go out and find all that’s out there.
7) This was the subject of one of the e-mails I sent my ex while we were on opposite coasts… Tonight though I really listened to the lyrics. Somewhere out there is one who will take one for the team and respect me enough to ask my parents permission before proposing.
8 ) This is what it feels and looks like when you don’t want someone by your side or in your life anymore… It’s sad, haunting and so full of hurt.
9) I know what I’m in the midst of, but I will always turn praise and affection to my God.
10) A person is so beautiful when they allow love in their life. Why keep that from the world? Be open to the love of your family and friends. Over time someone will come along who loves the love you emit.
11) Why bother measuring life in any other way than the love that is shared?
12)  Life is always changing, don’t be afraid, it’s great and amazing – every day you learn more. Believe in yourself, and believe in those who love you.
13)  This song was just added to my list this morning, and I find it more fitting for him to have it in his library than myself… He could have written it, I wouldn’t be surprised if he were to learn it at some point.
14)  Precisely how I feel – word for word – about the relationship… Such a strong, emotional and incredible song. Here’s the song in case you’ve (somehow) never heard it.