If you know me in person you know that my life has been the messiest and craziest it’s ever been.
Every day has become a roller coaster of emotions due to divorce and custody proceedings, fears and attempting to calm a tumultuous sea.
My heart is so overwhelmed. My mind has had challenges or questions I hadn’t anticipated. My soul is hurt.
A high level of uncertainty is impacting every aspect of my life.
I don’t even know how often in a few months I will have my child in my custody. I finally have the baby boy I loved, cried for, and dreamed of for years and he might not be with me every day… it’s heartbreaking to think about.
The choices my (ex) husband made years ago broke my world to pieces a year and a half ago and have created aftershocks in my current life.
All I want is to be happy, safe, and have my happy little family with just some level of certainty.
Seasons come and go. Literally and figuratively. Things are always changing. Each day is different from every other. Even when it feels like you live the same life every damn day.
You are the only constant.
Every new thing that enters your life can easily be viewed as an uncertainty. How you relate to that uncertainty has a lot to do with personality type.
When faced with new situations, some will be entirely thrilled and they’ll thrive because it’s how they are hardwired. Others, will slink back into the shadows and wait until they know it is safe and what to expect.
There’s no right or wrong way to handle things. I’ve had that exemplified in my life to an extreme degree recently. The challenges I’m currently facing in my life are those that many others have had to walk through, but the way I handle myself as I navigate this world is completely the way I will choose to – not how anyone else has or will.
Sitting here in the hospital, I look back at this past week and realize how each day was more intense than the previous.
It all began with my car not working on Monday morning… Then spilling things on Tuesday… Overall stress on Wednesday… Thanksgiving had more work than relaxation. Then on Friday things really got out of control.
I hopped in my (surprisingly) working car, drove 2 hours and then headed to the NE Philly area for a wedding. 15 minutes away from the church my car stopped working and died on the side of the road. Thankfully one of our team members was near and was able to pick myself, our other coworker and all of our equipment in order to make it to the rehearsal. My car was then towed back up to my parents house. The rehearsal dinner went well minus our microphone not working. Saturday was the normal wedding crazy, from covering the prep to ceremony to reception there were few hiccups but overall I think we pulled off a decent production.
However Saturday in the morning I received a text from my mom letting me know that my dad who had been feeling bad all week was being admitted to the hospital. He was unable to move his head all week and then had a bunch of other symptoms.
Saturday after the wedding my cousin was kind enough to drive me and my coworker back to central pa but that put me an hour away from my parents, and an hour and a half away from my dad in the hospital.
At this point… I’m borrowing a friend’s car until tomorrow. My car is still dead and I have to figure out how to get it fixed. My dad is in the hospital and they really aren’t sure what’s wrong with him. And overall, I’m ready for a vacation. A beach, drink in hand, floppy hat and a good book. This stress level of mine needs to drop.