With each day that passes my heart goes through so much. Every single day I wonder “I thought it was going to get easier?” Well, maybe now it will.
All of the friends (Facebook) which he had just because he was in my life have been notified and most have removed him as their friend. My computer has been purged. My Facebook has less photos on it. Pretty sure the only thing that’s left to do is the registries and his number and messages in my phone…
It’s amazing what one can go through in a year. It was exactly a year ago tonight that I drove away from my apartment and began my journey across the country to Redding, California. Seems fitting that today is the day I begin yet another journey. I feel like I’ve been “starting” a journey for a while now. It feels as thought I’ve said something about the such in every other one of my posts.
Earlier today when I was going through and removing things, I saved the “Engagement!” folder of pictures on FB for last because I couldn’t bring myself to deleting it. Tears formed, and fell, as I clicked through those acceptances. When I came downstairs my mom had to give me a hug and remind me that I have to step through some things – not jump over them. Sometimes you just have to embrace the tears and let them flow rather than fight against them. Sometimes you have to allow yourself to feel and break instead of standing tall and saying you are okay. I’ve been through a lot – I am strong but that doesn’t mean I can’t feel and express. One can be strong but still show their tears, hurts and pains. It’s what and how you handle it which determines ones strength.