How To: Become Engaged Without Dating

Here is the simple formula to follow if you wish to become engaged without ever once being on a date.

Invite the person of interest to an all-day-into-night movie marathon and cuddle.
Spend a month following movie marathon in separate countries messaging non-stop.
Learn he considers himself a student and barely has enough money to scrape by on his own and say “no problem”.
Once united allow yourself to believe you are a couple.
Hang out at either your house, or his place of living – never go anywhere.
Do most of the driving because he doesn’t have money for gas.
Meet up with friends and chill at different houses.
Take time to learn one another’s quirks and discuss the future within a month of getting together. (all done whilst ‘hanging out’ at someone’s home)
When he asks you to marry him with no ring and no possibility of getting one after a month of hanging out – say yes.
At the point which he tells you he has no secrets and will never lie to you – write it down in your journal and squeal every time you realize you didn’t ask him to say that.
Visit his family and spend a whole week with them – get them to love you just by being you and reciprocate the feeling.
After 5 weeks when he tells you who you are and goes on for 15 minutes – break down, cry and respond by telling him no one has ever understood you before.
If presented with the challenge of living on different coasts, make sure he knows how serious you are about staying together.
Ignore the fact you live somewhere you’ve always wanted and spend most of our time inside Skyping with him.
Don’t question him too much when he isn’t around or doesn’t call when he says he will.
Let him tell you everything he thinks you want to hear and act like that’s all you need.
When you fly halfway around the world make sure you get a long layover near him so you can see each other. Both ways.
Don’t tell your friends when he puts you down or makes you believe things you shouldn’t.
Plan out your two weeks back in town around his schedule and how much time he wants to spend with his family – because it’s ‘easier’ to be the couple you are with them than with your own family.
When you even think of questioning him or standing up to him, mentally slap yourself.
After you’ve told him multiple times about how you do not want to be proposed to on a cliché holiday such as; Christmas eve, Christmas, New Years eve, New Years, your birthday or Valentines day – respond on December 23 with, “it’s not that important, you can propose whenever you like.”
Allow him to think that it’s fine if he doesn’t ask your fathers’ permission to marry you and it’s not that big of a deal.
When you look at him and wonder “is this really it?!” push yourself to believe of don’t deserve any better.
And lastly, even though you’ve had your dream ring picked out since you were 14 and he is well aware of the fact, make an exception and accept the ring he “bought” off of his brother from a previous failed engagement because he doesn’t have any money.
Never say a word because you are in a relationship with a 28 year-old full-time student who will stay up all night playing a new expansion to a video game but won’t do the same to talk to you, who hasn’t held a steady full-time job in years, who won’t have a Christmas gift for you until his parents give him money, who has the ability to make you think whatever he wants, who has no issue with putting expenses on your credit card relying on the fact you will get a job to pay it off in due time, who is okay with you giving up your dreams just so he can chase his, who has self-worth issues and looks for confirmation in any women around him, who only pushes his spiritual relationship deeper because you push him to, who says he will do anything for you but rarely does a single thing aside from what you set up, who will continue to make you feel used even after you have a break down explaining it to him, who when opportunity presents itself will allow another girl to kiss him while the two of you are engaged, who will disagree with thoughts and beliefs which are strong in your life and will turn arguments around so it always ends with an issue in your life, who doesn’t like your family and refuses to spend any extended period of time with them because he believes they don’t like him, and most — who was entirely correct when he said you were too good for him.

The Date

They meet.
They talk.
They exchange numbers.
He calls her.
They talk for a while.
He finally asks her out.
She agrees, unsure of how it will go but excited.
He arrives at her place 4 minutes early anxiously waiting for the next 6 minutes to pass.
She runs around preparing, fearful of not being ready.
He rings the doorbell 2 minutes late.
She is waiting, checking the mirror every 3 seconds to make sure her hair still looks okay and her make-up hasn’t smudged.
They greet one another, and she locks her door while noticing he is tall enough to wear heels around.
He opens the car door for her.
She wonders “Will he still be a gentleman after 5 dates?”
His opening line in the car is so smooth it shows how much he rehearsed – especially in those 6 minutes.
She smiles to herself and accepts he is nervous as well, but won’t make a comment to him about it.
When they arrive at the restaurant he jumps out so quickly she worries she’s too slow – but her fears are released when he’s opening the door and offering his hand.
He is trying to be as kind as he can be, but he isn’t sure she likes him because of how quiet she’s being.
He enters the restaurant and gives his name, hoping she’ll hear and realize that he had made reservations – he thinks ahead.
She hears the hostess thank him by name and wonders if he is a regular, and if so how many other girls has he brought to this restaurant.
He makes sure to grab the chair for her.
She thanks him and takes her seat.
He wishes to impress, so as soon as the waiter comes he orders a bottle of Pinot Noir.
She stops and immediately thinks of meals which will pair well with Pinot Noir, and realizes she would prefer a Cabernet Sauvignon.
He asks her a question about herself.
She answers, but is so crafty she gets him to talk about himself while only half-listening because she’s looking over the menu and is terrible at making decisions.
He realizes when the waiter returns to take their order she hasn’t said a word, and worries he’s begun to bore her.
She gives her order only after he gives his, just to be sure she doesn’t go out of the correct price range.
He once again tries to pull her into conversation.
She has no trouble talking about herself, but tries to keep it even.
The conversation flows until the food is finished.
He doesn’t want the time with her to end.
She wants to stay, but realizes it’s getting late.
Being the gentleman he is, he makes sure she doesn’t feel any pressure to pay.
She feels a little odd not paying for anything, but reminds herself that it’s okay.
He opens the door for her as they approach the car.
She sits in his car, amazed at the way he’s been acting all night – thrilled he didn’t even once bring up some unhealthy topic.
They arrive back at her place.
He suggests they take a walk around the block, he can’t help but wish the night won’t end.
She debates the time until finally giving in and joining him.
They walk losing all track of time too busy discovering each others’ quirks.
Arriving back to her door he reluctantly wishes her a good night, and promises to call her soon.
She steps in and gives him a hug, as she will not be satisfied unless.
They separate and recount the night in their minds in their own way…

It’s just a date.
Something I have never experienced, but this is what I imagine it would be like.

Languages

Even though you live in the same country, area, or town as someone else does not mean the two of you will understand each other. Words are just one way of communication, there’s also tone of voice, body language, facial expressions, overall demeanor – lots. Wonderfully so, each of us has been created with our own way of communicating. Annoyingly, most men do not understand women, and vice versa. There are countless times in past relationships and even in my day-to-day relationships where I wish those around me (especially the men) actually made sense and I understood. One minute, everything is okay – things are going along as they usually do, then suddenly – BAM! – out of no where it’s as if everything is turned upside down and the world has crashed. The only thing I ask when this occurs is — share. Share what the thoughts are which crossed your mind and led you to be an entirely different person, the situations which you are finding yourself in, the troubles of the people in your life…

The only way to make sure you are understood is to let your heart be known.

Age vs. Maturity

The difference between age and maturity has been on my mind recently. Every day we see children being mature in their actions, words, and thoughts – mostly because they have to be as a result of their situation. What we also see every day are adults who repeatedly do/say things you’d expect from a child. Those adults prove that just because you’re a certain age, doesn’t mean you are mature. By definition “mature” means “fully developed in body or mind”. So, in all defense of those numerous adults in the world who don’t act what we consider “mature”, I suppose one could say they reached the state of which they were fully developed in mind at a young age – and that was that.

What is especially terrible is when you have one from both parties attempt to join together – the ‘mature child’ originally loves the carefree, spontaneity the ‘immature adult’ portrays and the ‘adult’ draws on the confidence, responsibility and care the ‘mature child’ carries. The combination results (more than likely) in a bust. Eventually they drive each other crazy because the other won’t take care of themselves/can’t have enough fun.

There are so many things to consider when dating someone – really getting to know their level of maturity is critical. You don’t want the scales to be too uneven. Being aware of your own maturity is a good place to start – critically assessing those you choose to surround yourself with, your hobbies, how you handle your free time, where you are financially – all of these things are clear indicators of your maturity. There are so many others, I’m just giving a base…

A person can always change – as long as they want to for the right reasons.

Recognition of the Unknown

Last night Sonya and I went out for drinks at our newly acquired ‘regular’ bar and our ‘regular’ bartender where she has a ‘regular’ drink. I’m still having fun trying a bunch of different drinks and forcing Bartender to be creative, so I have yet to have a ‘regular’. While this isn’t something we’ve done a lot, it’s become a more recent addition to our weekly lives (3 visits in 3 weeks… Fair.) and each time our visits have resulted in at least 500 calories burned from laughing and lots of deep, personal discussions. So many things are the result of last nights drinking, but one that will stick with me for a while is what I finally was able to realize. Even if something is unknown, but you have the knowledge of it, you have to acknowledge its existence. There are certain situations where this is so much more difficult than others, but in the long run, it’s always best. Sadly, that’s all I can say about that topic for now.

It absolutely amazed me last night because even in the midst of a drunken state I stopped myself and no longer was it all about me. Just because you are going through a hell of a time, doesn’t mean those who you come in contact are perfectly fine. There are so many others walking around out there who are wounded, need some uplift and just need love. That’s the type of thing we have to be aware of. The ability to see more than what is happening in your life, and be able to reach out to others and love on them. As, aren’t we all meant to love each other? Isn’t that the greatest commandment no matter what you believe? I’m not saying we aren’t allowed to process the happenings in our own lives, by no degree at all. I want to make sure that everyone who reads these words understands that we as humans are all too good at looking at our own lives and not seeing anything else. We have to be open to seeing what’s occurring outside of our own lives, then is when it’s possible to really start taking the steps to your own healing.